Embracing It All
I define the words "hopeless romantic." It doesn't matter how much real life I experience, there is a part of me that clings to the beautiful side. The side that thinks fresh flowers should be on my counter every day, even though I have a black thumb. The side that expects the throw pillows to stay artfully arranged on the couch, even though they share a home with people who use them as weapons and fort building material. The side that believes my hair should look beautifully unkempt when I wake up, even though I've lived through the daily jolt of seeing only unkempt and not beautiful locks looking back at me every morning for forty years. It's just who I am. The one who longs for beauty and romance every day.
It's probably why I wrote it. The one book I've ever completed. A hopeless romantic kind of story, with not a ton of theological insight, but an abundance of sweet sentiment.
But, I'm also a little embarrassed by that part of myself. I've never wanted people to know my favorite movie is not some deep war documentary, but instead it's...anything adapted from Jane Austen. I've also never advertised my favorite author is not Dietrich Bonhoeffer (God bless his profound heart), but instead it's...Jan Karon.
I'm a hopeless romantic, and I can't help it. There are parts of me that are simply satisfied with a sweet story where the boy gets the girl, whose hair looks beautifully unkempt in the morning.
And I'm learning that I don't have to be ashamed of any part of how God made me. The assertive and bold parts? The ones that got me labeled "bossy" when I was growing up? They've been His way of developing leadership skills in me that have been needed in every season I've faced in adulthood. The introverted quiet parts? The ones that made me label myself "awkward" as I was maturing? They've been His gifts to place me in a position to listen to what He was doing inside of me, rather than only being able to see the work He's doing through me.
There's not a part of me that He didn't design. Not a part of me He can't use.
So, I've decided to go with Him. Just go with Him. Even if it means confessing something I fear might make me be labeled as silly or sentimental. Even the hopeless romantic parts.
Because if He put it in me, then it has to be somewhere in Him. And I think the God I love with my whole soul is hopelessly romantic about me. It's in Him, so it's in me.
And if He put it in me, it's meant to be shared.