I have a bathrobe I adore. It was once white and it was once fluffy. It's now mostly white and decidedly unfluffy. But, I don't mind. I wear it every morning to shuffle in to the coffee maker. I put it on every night with my glasses and a messy bun to watch Netflix with my husband. And sometimes, when I come home on my lunch break, I put it on over my clothes and curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee to just breathe before I head back into life at full speed.
As much as I'd like to be known for Princess Kate fashion, I have a sinking feeling that if my kids were asked to draw a picture of me, I might be wearing that robe. And I don't even mind. In fact, I'm not sure I'll ever get rid of my bathrobe. I can't. Because when I put it on, I feel at home. When I wear that robe, I'm completely, absolutely, 100% comfortable. And I like that feeling.
It's a feeling I don't have much of at this particular juncture in life. I am completely, absolutely not comfortable. Instead, I am in transition. Transitioning in every conceivable part of life.
Transition. The process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.
The definition doesn't sound like it should be hard. It sounds clinical, like something you should be able to observe from a distance before remarking, "Success. The subject has now changed." But, I'm not finding it to be easy or clinical. I feel more like someone has taken my bathrobe and is holding it hostage indefinitely.
A change in jobs. A move. A son going to college. An uprooting of everything familiar. New city. New home. New assignment. New relationships. They're all big, white, fluffy robes. Lovely, but untested. Warm, but unfamiliar. And I know the only thing standing in between me and comfort is time. I love my robe because I've had it a long time. I know it well, and it knows me. We have mutual respect. We've been there for each other. We both smell faintly like my dachshund.
And I can arrive there again, even in a new place. It just takes time.
I think that's the reason the clearest word from God I know I've heard during this season of transition is, "Be patient." It won't happen in one day. It can't happen in one day. Very few treasures in life can be purchased in a day. They take time, which is what makes them treasures in the first place.
And I think that's why He's gone out of His way to hold me. It's a prayer I often pray. "Hold me." In two words, I'm asking Him to come into this moment, into this unsettling place I find myself, into the insecurity and the change. I'm asking Him to pick me up, wrap His arms around me, and put me on his lap. I'm asking Him to look me in the eye in the middle of my uncertainty and to let me know it's going to be ok. I'm asking Him to be the thing, the one thing in my life that never changes.
And He does. Every single time, He holds me. And He has never once changed. His love, His stability, His character, His compassion, His faithfulness. They have never changed.
He is the friend who never leaves. And He never smells like dachshund.