Creating the Love Spark, Day 3

My husband feels most loved by me when I am successful in communicating my deep respect for him.  I have learned through fifteen years of marriage that I can damage that communication of respect, or I can build on it. 

Here are the ways I have learned to build on it:

  • Affirm him with gratitude when he meets an emotional need of mine.  I stopped by his office this morning to thank him with a kiss when I saw that he had filled my car up with gas.  It's a silly thing to some, maybe, but it speaks love to me when he notices I need something and goes out of his way to do it for me.
  • Thank him often for the way that he provides for our family.  I also encourage our children to thank him when we go out for dinner.  A man could most certainly do the same by thanking his wife for the things she does for the family or for the work she does to bring income into the house.  Everyone needs to feel appreciated for the sacrifices they make for their loved ones.
  • Never bring up something I am angry or hurt about in the heat of emotion.  Instead, I have learned to wait until I calm down, prayed, and chosen forgiveness.  How long I wait to speak of it will depend on my emotional maturity and level of humility.  I want to wait until I can do it in love and in an attitude of respect.  If I can't get there, it will do no good to speak of it anyway.
  • Never speak negatively about my husband to others, especially to my children.  If I need counsel or a sounding board, I choose my source wisely and make sure it is someone who respects my husband also.  I have found I rarely need this when I first take the situation and my own heart to the Lord.
  • Pray that the Lord will help me know my husband after the spirit, rather than the flesh.  This means that I will look for what God is doing INSIDE of him and THROUGH him, rather than focusing on what my natural eyes see.  (2 Corinthians 5:16)
  • Be the first to praise him when he accomplishes a goal.  This means I have to know what his goals are and pay attention to his efforts to reach them.
  • Comment often on how attractive I find him.  Everyone knows women need this, but men need it, too!
  • Tell him often that if I had it to do all over again, I would still choose him.